of Your Will today

My mother is here in Atlanta in assisted living. Her younger sister, Aunt Teen, just passed away and her funeral was to take place last week. When I received word I found myself immediately looking for ways to avoid going.  As a family therapist I knew that wasn’t normal but the time (barely 2 1/2 day before the funeral) engendered feelings of dread and fear. 

In my mother’s (Bipolar II) version of family, she always encouraged us to avoid such painful family/social rituals. I happily learned to oblige her, feeling ill-equipped with the motivation and family commitment when each event has taken place. My brother was cremated with no burial place, my father’s body (as will be my mom’s) was donated to Science, so…no burials to deal with. Everyone had only brief 30 minute memorial services.

Meanwhile, my aunt and her 2 daughters, came to my brother’s funeral in 1979, my father’s funeral 3 years ago, and have wanted to see my mother since she moved to Assisted  Living. This made it even more difficult to rationalize how I did not need to attend my aunt’s funeral and, more importantly, my cousins’ grief ritual.