Back on the Road Again

I am approaching my balanced meds state. Nothing seems too high or low, and at times life seems painfully boring. Almost, the exquisite thrill of mania, and perhaps even the dark dungeon of depression, seems preferable to the steady pace of real life. Offsetting this boredom is remembering that the longer I’m balanced, the less boring it gets.

It’s so hard for bi-polars to wait it out, to reach the peaceful stages of life, that many of us quit our meds. and fall back into an abyss of hopelessness. So, I compensate. Every few weeks I do something new or exciting involving some sort of risk. Progressing in meditation, physical activities (dancing, hula hoop, etc.), and social activities also bring about a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction which, I might add, could never be possible without medication.

I challenge myself in my fashion, putting clothes together in bright and daring ways that reflect avatars of my personality (like Amy Winehouse, Joan Jett, etc.) I can shift, boost, or contain the excitement with a change of clothes.

Unlike the unbearable relentlessness of my un-medicated brain, by creating my (temporary) highs and lows, I retain control.