Shaina Noll - How Could Anyone - lyrics

His Daughter ~ Molly Kate Kestner (Original)

The "AHA" Moment

My first NA meeting was in a (then) rundown Atlanta hippie neighborhood, Candler Park. The building was a grimy little cinder block storefront and the meeting place was not unlike a large grey prison cell with duct-taped cracked couches lit by swinging light bulbs…. 

As soon as the meeting ended an attractive lady, with olive skin and long wavy hair, approached me and informed me she (Shirley) would be my sponsor then she gave me an assignment.  I remember thinking how odd it was; she seemed to be so serious about this topic. My homework was to call her daily, go home, get on my knees and pray to God to help keep me clean, twice a day.  Politely (as if I wasn’t anticipating the thrill of shocking her) I replied, “Uh, I cant, I’m an atheist.”  

Instead of recoiling, Shirley, as if I just said I was a Lutheran, continued “That’s okay, tell that to God and ask for Him to give you a sign. I’ll pick you up for a meeting tomorrow.” She handed me her phone number, and hugged me before she turned to go.  I felt stunned, and puzzled. I had no idea why, but I knew I would do exactly as she said.   

Looking back, Shirley was like a sentient X-ray machine; unemotionally, she saw through the years and the layers of masks and defenses, the skeletal structure of my drug addiction. With her attention, my loathsome anesthetized adolescent self was instantly awake, instantly and as quickly clear as the fog on your windshield clears when you defrost it.  Like a too skinny, unattractive hibernating beauty-frog, that self was not dead but only slumbering.

That night while praying I did as she asked and as I was telling God that I did not believe in him BUT that I really would like to know if he exists and please give me a sign… Thank God, the Bible says we must come to him like children because I could only understand “simple” ideas.   

 
At that moment, my new rescued kitten rubbed up against me.  I was instantly aware, and it was clear that animals and their unconditional love for me was the way that I had always experienced God’s unconditional love all of my life. It was clear, it was a sign and in my heart and soul, I knew God was telling me that was how he loved me and always had.  I continued talking directly to God this way and to use the steps for my framework.  

My next prayer was answered with a life saving event, something I could not discuss for almost 15 years. It was how God allowed me to face the first step and the third step.  It was and still is about Sweet Surrender.  But, this is a story for another time….